I posted another version of some of these Pin Dudeist garden pictures back in June. I just got these new ones from my Zen/Pin convert, cultural attache and garden architect in Kyoto...Gerry Kudaka...so I decided to put them up here as well as in the ever growing DudeArt Exhibition and Museum at the old Duder Bar. Hope you find them an enlightening and amusing inducement and enhancement as far as your usual Dudeist meditative mind limbering exercises are concerned.
That rug really kind of holds the garden together...don't you agree?
Those Japanese Pin Dudeists must really be into gardening, man.
Notice how the foreground object subtly changes one's perception of the entire garden.
You would be watching this instead of reading about it if the fucking mall cops hadn’t confiscated my video camera. Maybe somebody captured it with their cell phone. Here’s what happened…
It is September 11...day of infamy. 23 Pin Dudeist monks and I are at The Duder Bar, along with the other usual suspects and the owners, Ron and Nancy, who have become intrigued by the re-tuned vibe, the heightened hum, which has suffused the bar in recent weeks. Ron, is circumspect, however, responding to the increased level of outlandish synchronicity and surrealism that seems to be finding its way to his door with his usual, "same shit, different day" admonition. Maybe he is the most awake of all...
...anyhow...we decide that the only thing to do is commemorate the Dude’s well known act of prophecy in the first sequence of The Big Lebowski...namely, writing a check for the half & half dated Sept. 11…the day his rug gets pissed on...
NOSTRADUDEMUS!
(Tabloid headlines want to know…”IS THE DUDE A NEW NOSTRADAMUS?”)
...by embarking on a pilgrimage (we call it a meditation) in full Dude/monk gear to the nearest supermarket, opening and taking a taste of the old half & half and then lining up at the checkout and writing 23 checks for our respective purchases, all dated Sept. 11. This phase of the operation is followed, of course, by returning…en masse via public transit…to the Duder and, with single pointed attention…think Zen tea ceremony…watch as Louise, our sacred bartender and White Russian Master…using the newly purchased half & half…prepares the White Russians, which we then contemplate for a respectful time before imbibing, thus consummating the solemnity.
(Several of the 23 have had interface with either the CACOPHONY SOCIETY or the URBAN PRANKSTER NETWORK or both and acknowledge the inspiration factor implied in the above maneuver, by the way…)
Be that as it may…how shall I put it?…our shopping expedition does not go well. The mall cops patrolling the store perceive the invasion of the dairy aisle of the supermarket by 23 fully robed Pin Dudeist monks as a potential threat to the business establishment, the municipality and, indeed, the nation. They call for reinforcements and attempt to round us up but we scatter and proceed to shop in other areas of the enormous store. The real cops are called and we elect to exit sans half & half and head back to the Duder…not embraced by a rainy afternoon of defeat and gloom but by a hurricane of whoops and laughter. The idea of converging upon public transit is abandoned and off we bound in all directions…robes flapping. Back at the bar, we proceed with the “tea” ceremony with complete composure and protocol. A couple of cops arrive…stride up and down the bar sizing up what’s transpiring…then leave, waving at Ron and Nancy as they go.
Educational way to remember September 11, wouldn’t you say? But the day has just begun…and we find ourselves in the midst of a string of Strange Day Occurrences. Are we all stuck inside of a living koan? Is that a whiff of Suntory-satori in the air...or something else?
FATHER GUIDO
All are hungry by this time, so pizza is ordered. Someone, remembering FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI’S (a Duder Bar regular from days past) game…enshrined on SNL’s Weekend Update…of “Find The Popes In The Pizza”…suggests that we find the Dudes in the pizzas when they arrive. It is surmised that on a day such as this, surely a Dudeist Miracle will occur. Forget about finding the visage of Jesus or Elvis on a potato chip. A wide eyed "delivery associate" arrives and through the, by now, pea soup White Russian fog, the Dude is, indeed spotted on one of the pizzas...
(This holy pie will wind up framed and on the wall behind the bar...itself the object of pilgrimage and adoration. Some will say that gazing upon it cures hangovers and various STDs, hence the throng of aspirants wanting a look each morning when the sacred grotto opens its doors...across the cases of oat soda...down through the ages...)
...then…we hear a roar in the street outside. What now?…we collectively wonder out loud. A tall, skinny gentleman dressed in late 19th century chauffeur garb, complete with scarf and goggles swaggers into the bar and stops in front of Louise.
“Your car, madam,” He announces as he offers his arm to her. She hesitates at this high weirdness, but we all encourage her to take the chauffeur’s arm.
We follow them outside where an immense roadster shaped like a bowling pin is surrounded by the curious. The chauffeur helps Louise into the car and they thunder off down the street.
Elliott, one of the monks, says, “Don’t worry…he’s just taking her through the park and back…”
Turns out Elliot knows a guy who just bought a roadside attraction/bowling museum in the mid-west…including the Pinmobile…and couldn’t resist.
We all go back inside where a video is playing on both of the TV sets behind the bar…we get a video today after all. I will not describe the video…and still don’t know who put it up…but present it herewith for your enjoyment and edification…
I notice a Stranger at the end of the bar nearest the door. Did he just come in? Cowboy hat...handlebar mustache...no...couldn't be. He watches me, grinning, as I walk over...extends his hand. As I get closer I realize the he's not the Stranger I thought he might be after all. Same accent though.
"So what do you think of all this?" I inquire.
"All what?" he replies, taking it all in.
"Where're you from friend...haven't seen you in here before..."
"The Circus," he responds, lifting his glass of sarsaparilla in a toast.
We click glasses and drain our drinks. The Stranger stands, turns to walk out the door, then looks back at me and the crowd of costumed monks and other Duder Bar folk and grins again as he drawls...
"Pardon my language young feller...don't like cussing...but you know what they say...same shit, different day...that's all. Catch you a little further on down the trail."
Dudeism has “The Big Lebowski Haikutomatic” which generates haiku from lines in the movie.
Pin Dudeism has Tabloid Haiku, which creates haiku from the “real” world…i.e. from tabloid headlines.
To wit…
Fat-sucking vampires claim two hundred and fifty nine lives in Lima.
Cannibal chief eats mail order brides in New Guinea. Cops launch man-hunt.
Istanbul business tycoon is killed by flying carpet. Son observes.
Fisherman uses Barbie Doll as bass lure. “Drives the big ones crazy.”
Man knocks himself out with boomerang. Sues himself. Wins three hundred K.
Cincinnati corpse bursts into flames and burns antique hearse in strange blaze.
Corpse checkmates two morgue attendants in Havana. “Miguel not dead yet!”
Weirdo breaks into gal’s apartments to brush their teeth. Complaints increase.
1918 news clipping shows time traveler with cellular phone.
Man posing as alien conned gals into free trip to home planet.
Crippled man arrested for drunk driving in his wheelchair in Hamburg.
Human skunk to wed man with no nose! Stinking coed has rare disease.
Neighbors call cops on staggering, beer-guzzling, chain smoking three year old.
UN-OCCUPIED, UN-EMPLOYED: Don't Just Do Something! Stand There!
In 1994 Bernard McGrane published a book entitled “The Un-TV and the 10MPH Car, Experiments in Personal Freedom and Everyday Life” that Dudeists, in general, and Pin Dudeists, in particular, should check out the next time you feel like kicking back with a good read. In it he describes some strange and very cool experiments that he has his students fool around with that have some entertaining things to say about this whole carnival side show we find ourselves mixed up in.
In the first experiment…Un-Occupied, Un-Employed: Don’t Just Do Something! Stand There!…he has them “do nothing, be un-occupied and un-employed for ten minutes and see what you can see”. This was to be done in a relatively busy public place and was to be taken quite literally…they were to stand there at semi-attention, eyes not wandering about, for a full ten minutes. They were not allowed to pretend they were waiting for someone, if asked…that would be “doing waiting”…they were not allowed to pretend they were sightseeing or just relaxing…that would be “doing sightseeing” or “doing relaxing”, etc. They were to do this for the full ten minutes….the time requirement was strict. As McGrane says…”I looked at them a little like a cross between a meditator and a zombie”.
Try this…have some friends try it…but not in a group…and see what happens. Get McGrane’s book if you can…out of print but available all over the net…and check out other people’s experiences.
Doing nothing in this way is worth the effort, man…what a trip!
